Why I Broke Up With The Scale

I have been a slave to my scale for literally as long as I can remember. I can tell you various weights I have been at different points in my life (52 lbs – 5 years old; 82 lbs – 11 years old; 170 lbs – 17 years old; 122 lbs – 20 years old; 198 lbs – 21 years old). It upsets me that memories of fun times from these different stages in my life are fading but these numbers are something it seems I won’t ever forget.

                More often than not, I have let the scale dictate my mood for any given day I’ve stepped on it. Down a pound? Happiest girl ever! Up a pound? What the hell?! I hate myself! I’m not even exaggerating these sentiments. Anytime the scale said I weighed more than the previous time I weighed myself, it literally ruined my day. The sad thing is that I understand why and how weight fluctuates from day-to-day but it still hurt me to see an increase (no matter how minute) on the scale.

                The scale measures your relationship with gravity and that is it. Seriously. That is IT. The scale does not show you how beautiful you are, how your eyes sparkle when you laugh, how your hair shines when the sun hits it just right, how your contagious smile can light up the room, how downright intelligent you are, it does not show how you’ve inspired others, how strong and independent you are, or how wonderful and uniquely special and amazing you are as a human being. 

It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!” 

– Steve Maraboli

                I’ve made the decision to throw out my scale. I will not be a slave to this machine anymore. I’m not going to let it take another day, another memory away from me. I will not spend another day hating myself because of a NUMBER. Does this mean that I’m not going to care about my health anymore? Of course not! I’m throwing the scale away BECAUSE I care about my health – my mental health, specifically, in this case. I’m not going to spend any more time fretting over the simple task of standing on a square device that spits out a number that tells me if I’ve pooped lately, how much water I’ve drank, if I’m retaining water,  etc. 

                I know that there are people out there reading this blog post right now clutching their beloved scales in their hands thinking, “Are you crazy girl!? How could you be into fitness if you don’t even know what you weigh!? ” I don’t need to know my scale weight to see progress in my fitness level and feelings of wellbeing. I can see progress everyday with any given program I’m doing just by the improvements I’m making (endurance and/or strength gains), how my clothes are fitting and how I feel, in general. I can’t tell you how many times I felt amazing, like I was succeeding in my fitness regimen, just to step on the scale, see a higher-than-expected number, and feel crushed to my core. That’s not going to happen anymore. I am breaking up with the scale once and for all.

                I know that there may be other people reading this blog thinking , “you will take my scale away from me when you pry it from my cold, dead hands! I NEED to know how much I weigh!” And, you know what? That’s fine. If you can have a healthy relationship with the scale, then more power to you. Personally, for my well being, I don’t like having a scale in my house and I feel empowered with it gone. I feel like a lifelong duel I have had with an enemy is finally over and I, my friends, I have won!

Read More

Choosing Your Guiding Word

The beginning of a new year is often refreshing for some people. It’s the start of a new calendar, a clean slate. Like I’ve mentioned in past blog entries, I’ve never been huge into new year resolutions. I like to create specific goals for myself throughout the year to achieve rather than a vague one at the beginning of the year. For tips on creating SMART goals, click here to view my blog about it. This entry isn’t about goal setting, per se. It’s more of a spin-off from a blog I saw on Pinterest a couple of weeks ago.

                This particular blog  talked about deciding on a “guiding word” for the year. I think that there are different definitions of what “guiding word” can be, many of them containing religious connotations, but to me, a “guiding word” is a word that is used to motivate someone to stay on the appropriate life course, a word used for inspiration in reaching one’s goals and dreams. Having a guiding word is a way to challenge yourself, a way to push yourself, it gives you strength and reflects your morals and beliefs. A guiding word is a word that reminds you where you want to be when life’s other plans get in the way.

The word that I chose to be my guiding word in 2013 is simple. It’s CHANGES. I chose changes because I believe that this year will be a huge year of changes for myself and my family. I chose changes because when I’m having a bad day or bad week, I want to be able to remind myself that changes are coming and if I continue to work hard in making these changes, I will be able to build the life I’ve always dreamed. Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely no complaints about my life, I know I’m a very lucky girl, but there’s always room for improvement. 

What word do you want to be your defining word for 2013? The possibilities are literally endless. Think of what you want most out of your life this coming year. When January 1^st, 2014 rolls around, what do you want to see when you think back to the past year? Don’t be afraid to think and dream big. Your defining word should scare you a little. Here are some guiding word ideas to get your creative juices flowing:

Clarity

Hope

Dream

Fly

Faith

Bold

Family

Freedom

Confidence

Infinite

Positivity

Inspired

Organize

Strong

Forgive

Creativity

Success

Learn

Serenity

Changes

Reflection

Resolve

Peace

                What word or words did you choose to be your guiding word(s) this year? Now that you’ve made the hard decision of figuring out what you want to happen for you in 2013, how are you going to go about achieving that? What events need to happen or what decisions need to be made to make your guiding word come to fruition?

Read More

Resolve to be the best YOU this year.

                Welcome to 2013, folks.

Did you make any resolutions? Why or why not? 

I know that there have been years where I’ve not made any resolutions but this year I’ve made a resolution to make monthly goals because I think it’s important to keep yourself motivated throughout the year not just in January because it’s the start of a new year! I tried this method in the later months of 2012 and it seemed to work rather well for me. I would take some time one of the last days of the month, a half hour of my day, and write down all of the things I want to accomplish over the next 30 or 31 days. It’s been effective for me because I like to be able to see my goals. I will use pretty paper or markers and make the goal sheet aesthetically appealing and then stick it somewhere I will see it often enough to motivate me (like on my fridge). I also am a huge sucker for to-do lists (and, subsequently, crossing things off my to-do lists) so I like to make some of my goals with numbers behind them so I can cross off the numbers as I accomplish my goals. For example, take a look at my goals for January:

I plan to do weekly crafts with Melina (my daughter) and try new recipes weekly, hence why the numbers “ 1 2 3 4 “ are written behind those goals. When I complete one of those goals, I’ll cross off #1 and so on and so forth.

I know some people are blatantly against the idea of New Years resolutions simply because of the amount of negativity that resolutions sometimes get due to their often-high failure yet. But, in all honestly, whether you make a resolution on the 31^st of December, 1^st of January or in the middle of any given month, ANYTIME is a great time to set a goal. We all know that a resolution is just another way of looking at goal setting so take some time later today, tomorrow or RIGHT NOW and set yourself some goals to kick in the face this year!

Read More

My Story.

Up until recently, I had never in my life had a healthy relationship with food.

As a kid, I remember my favorite meal being French fries deep fried and slathered in ketchup. My favorite day of the week was Sundays because my parents went out to brunch to eat by themselves and would bring my sister and I McDonald's home to eat. For some people, the smell of a campfire or smell of rain on a summers night remind them of being a child. Me? The smell of a cheeseburger Happy Meal takes me back to being a kid. Scary, isn't it?

I was a chubby kid through the earlier elementary school grades. I remember someone in Grade 3 calling me a cow. That hurt and has always stuck with me. I started leaving notes for myself in candy dishes around the house, "no chantelle!! Don't eat me" so I'd be deterred from indulging in that particular treat. Not a healthy habit for a child.

(me, in the yellow, in Grade 3)

(another from Grade 3, I’m in the blue hat...Man I miss 90’s fashion)

I thinned out as I grew up but never thought of myself as a thin kid. I always thought I was fat. I compared myself to my thin friends and was never ever satisfied with how much better they looked than me.

(me, grade 5 or 6....I had thinned out a bit here but still thought I was fat. CHECK OUT THAT PHONE! ITS HUGE! Lol)

In high school, I got a job at a local eating establishment and things started going downhill from there. When I was hired at this job in Grade 10, I had already begun packing on the pounds. But when I started working more often and having closing shifts, I started eating at work more and often indulged in the deep fried french fries of my childhood again.

(me, grade 11 on the far right, eating a TimBit donut)

Whenever I would work closing shifts at work during high school (5-10pm), I would eat supper at home immediately after school. And then i would have a burger and fries or poutine at work during my break. And then sometimes I'd have cake slathered in whipped cream before my shift was done! The cake and whipped cream was probably 75% of my daily calories right there!

Looking back at that time of my life, I was a depressed, over-dramatic teenager who turned to food for comfort. I was unhappy with the way I looked and I looked the way I was because I was unhappy. I don't like looking at myself in photos from these years of my life. I see the sadness in my eyes and wish that I would've spent more time taking care of myself. My destructive eating in high school set me up for (more) years of self conscious behaviour.

Grad loomed before I knew it and in the pressure to look beautiful on grad day, I started eating less. And less. If I didn't look good (to me "good" meant skinny), i didn't even want to bother going at all! Before I knew it, I was taking in just a few hundred calories per day. I dropped 30+ lbs, fast. People kept telling me how good I was looking and asking how I lost the weight. It was an awesome feeling. Until I lost weight, boys hadn't paid attention to me. But suddenly I was thinner and people cared! I was more outgoing, I was happier (so I thought).

Grad came and went. I had to get my grad dress heavily taken in because I had lost that 30+ lbs. But it felt awesome to look the way I always hoped I would on grad day!

But things didn't get better after high school. I still didn't feel thin enough. I started lightly exercising to burn off extra calories from the foods I did eat. I eventually lost another 20 lbs and was at my lightest weight ever! It was exhilarating to step on the scale and see those lower numbers!

Eventually I met my husband and we moved to Regina. The destructive eating didn't stop. I specifically remember being part of a "pro anorexia" website forum where other girls in the same position as I traded "thinspiration" photos of one another and tips on how not to eat. There were days when all I would ingest was vegetables and dip and coffee. Or fruit and coffee.

Then, I became pregnant. It was terrifying. I didn't want to get fat! I remember being torn between being excited and upset about my pregnancy. I was excited to be a mom but I wanted to not get fat, stretch marks, etc.

I treated my pregnancy like a free-for-all. I ate everything in site and none of it was healthy. "Salads? Psh, nope. I'm having ketchup chips even though they give me disgusting heartburn!" I ate and I ate and I ate. Even my doctor telling me that I has gained 10lbs since our last visit was not enough to stop me. I was letting myself eat all the "comfort" foods i had banned from my diet 4 years earlier. I was at 200lbs before I knew it. I knew I had gained way too much but I didn't care. My love for the food I had not let myself eat for so long was greater than my love of my body. I know now how terrible it was to let myself get that bad, eat that terrible food and I'm thankful Melina was born healthy despite of that!

(the day we were admitted to the hospital..Melina was born the next afternoon)

 (Look at how uncomfortable I looked and how wide my face got)

I will be the first to admit that it's hard for me to hear numbers sometimes. If I hear people talking about how many calories they ate and it's less than the number I ate, I get competitive. Numbers still trigger me. But I'm at a point in my recovery from these destructive eating habits (both over AND under eating) where I know I need to concentrate on me. I know I need to put on my blinders when certain topics come up in conversation or else I (a) get tempted to slip back to my old ways or (b) feel terrible about myself for an extended period of time.

I know now, because I have taken the time to educate myself, that losing weight is not something I can prescribe a time limit to. It's something I need to do for me. Steadily and slowly. Because if I don't take the time to make the necessary lifestyle changes, my weight loss will be temporary again. And I don't want a temporary solution. I want a permanent lifestyle change. I want to give myself 100% to this journey and prove to myself that I don't need to starve myself or deprive myself to succeed. I am a survivor, I'm not gone give up (Yes, I definitely just quoted Destiny’s Child circa 2001. It felt right.)

This is me now,  65 lbs lighter since starting my fitness journey, and I have to say that this is probably the happiest I've ever been with my body. I feel confident for the first time in my life. I love having muscle. I love flexing my muscles. And I love feeling strong. I love that although I mistreated my body for so many years and spent so much of my life hating myself, I was able to rebound and find my passion for fitness in the process.

I'm still working on my body as we speak. I'm currently doing Insanity to lose a bit more fat and then I plan on building some SERIOUS muscle mass with Body Beast, a new program from Beachbody. I can't wait to see what the next few months will bring me.

Read More

Some Friendly Competition

I am a competitive person. It took me about 24 years to figure that out but now that I've pinpointed this characteristic in my personality, I see how obvious it has been all of the years. I remain a closet competitor. It's like that whole unspoken rule about running on a treadmill next to someone. If I'm running on a treadmill and you're next to me, you bet we're secretly racing.

That's how my 24 years of my life were spent. I may not have told people we were competing but you better believe that we were. The whole competitive streak in me is a hard pill to swallow especially because I lost almost all of these secret competitions I was having with other people lol. 

Back in 2009 when TJ (my husband) and I were overweight from my pregnancy (he gained sympathy pounds lol), I read about a weight loss competition happening in our town. Even though it scared me to join a contest like this without really having actually worked out before (aside from lazily doing cardio and lifting light weights incorrectly), TJ and I attended the meeting for this competition and both ended up signing up. It was so exciting that we made the decision to lose the weight, get healthy and do it together!

Fast forward three months, TJs in the best shape of his life (he was seriously ripped!) and although my results weren't as amazing, I still lost inches, 15 lbs and gained a ton of fitness knowledge and know how. It was exhilarating to be in competition with other people and TJ and I were amazing at motivating one another to eat right and workout! We finished the competition with high hopes for competing again the next year. Unfortunately my hubby was in a car accident later that year (can't believe it's been nearly three years..) that left him paralyzed so he was not able to do the weight loss competition as a participant the next year. Since his accident, fitness and health have kind of sat on the back burner for him since its so much harder for him to get cardiovascular exercise in (he loved running when we were in that weight loss competition)! Although...I have to brag here...with my aggressive persuasion, he entered a full marathon (42.2km) handcycle divison this last September and had an amazing finishing time of 2 hours 29 minutes. I was sooo proud!

But recently we both decided that things needed to change in our household. We both have a few lbs we can stand to lose. I'm more interested in just tightening everything up and seeing the inches go down every time we do measurements.

So, being that we're both competitive people, we decided to have a friendly competition between the two of us. We sat down together mid-October and set out some guidelines for our competition which we decided would last 12 weeks.

1. One "cheat" meal per week.
2. Sundays are to be used as meal planning days for the rest of the week.
3. $1 to go into a communal jar for every pound and inch lost.
4. $1 to go into aforementioned jar for every workout completed
5. $5 to go into jar for every week of perfect nutrition (aka only one cheat meal taken)
6. Weigh-ins and measurements weekly on Wednesdays
7. Must use MyFitnessPal app for our phones to log exercise and food daily

And the "unspoken" rule that we both will follow is NO SABOTAGING! We are in this together, the addition of the competitive side of things is just because we both hating losing and it is more motivating for both of us to have someone to compete against. I'm constantly checking TJs profile on the MyFitnessPal app to see if he's logging his food while I'm at work and making sure he's on track. I want us both to succeed!

Now, the prize. We have been talking about where our next family vacation is going to be next year. We went on our first family vacation this past summer to Banff and Calgary, Alberta and it was amazing! We want to go somewhere farther and hotter next time. I, personally, am aiming for Disneyworld while TJ wants to go to the Dominican Republic. The winner of our challenge will receive the communal money jar (which, by then, will hopefully be very full!) which they will use towards their dream vacation! I'm very much looking forward to our trip to Disneyworld! ;)

 We have now been doing this competition since Oct. 17, so just under a month and a half. In that month and I have, I have lost 7.2 lbs and 9.5 inches and TJ is down 5.25 inches and 7 lbs. We're giving each other a run for the money.

Speaking of money, check out our communal money jar! It's starting to get nice and full:

Would your significant other do a challenge like this with you? It's an amazing way to stay motivated and get yourselves (and your family, if you have one) healthy! The key to sticking with it is keeping your end goal in mind. I just keep thinking about how hard I'm going to cry (from happiness) when Melina sees her favorite Disney princesses in real life at Disney! But, you know what? If TJ does win, the Dominican Republic wouldn't be a terrible vacation either! It's a win-win for both of us because no matter who wins, we will have managed to save some cash to go towards an amazing vacation where we will make priceless memories! We are both very excited about this.

Read More